Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
