Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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