Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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