I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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