Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
