filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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