R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
