I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
