end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
even my farts smell like vagina
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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