A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
