what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
