did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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