dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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