I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
