My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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