what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
