Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
