i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
