6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
