I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
