in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
