just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
