College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
