In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
