Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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