My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
