His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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