dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am one with the molecules
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
