I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
