I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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