your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
