Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
