Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm too high and old for this...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
