Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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