I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
