my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
