i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
