apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
