Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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