1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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