i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
