By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
