Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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