Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
