he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
