dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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