I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
