She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
