his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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