I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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