im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
