btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
