took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
