My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
