I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
