Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Someone shit on the floor
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
