Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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