Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize