Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
