If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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