I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
