He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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