On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize