Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
