Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sobbing to NWA
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
