He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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