shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
