Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
