No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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