roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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